Man in the Mirror
The Innate Essentials have focused much of its time and energy on internal emotional well-being. This is because change ultimately starts from within. However, that change also touches your external environment and that external environment touches you. To pursue a lifestyle of well-being you have to use the limited resources of time and energy wisely to make a difference when dealing with your environment. To make a difference in your world will encourage the world to be different.
“If you want to make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself, and then make a change” – Michael Jackson
Making changes within yourself can often trigger a need to change or alter your environment. These environments can be uplifting, neutral or negative. Your time and energy are limited resources and if change is to be truly made you may have to remodel your environment.
So, for the last essential I want to discuss the outside world and its effect on our well-being. We discussed mindset as being your attitude and perspective. How does our emotional environment affect our mindset? How can we find balance in this overwhelming world? This post will be all about your relationships and their impact on your life.
Relationships in our society
Relationships are complicated. You may have relationships that are spiritual, physical, monetary, energy consuming or time consuming. These relationships are necessary and often create stress when not managed well. A good relationship is not always easy and an easy relationship is not always good. One truth is that a good relationship will always require work.
This blog post has been the most difficult for me to write. The external emotional connections are many times out of my control and thus difficult to contain the stress they may bring you and I. This being said, it is imperative that you act with your best interest in mind for the present and the future. Your relationships in the areas described are a direct reflection of who you are and who you will become.
Some of our past relationships have helped to shape and mold who we are today. As we discussed in a previous blog post, Turn Off, Tune In and Drop Apps, many of our relationships and experiences can be traumatic. These past traumas, losses, abuses or any other repetitive emotional conflict may need help from a professional such as a counselor, mentor, psychologist or clergyman. Engaging with these professionals for help and guidance is a part of facing your reality and responsibilities.
On occasion, relationships can evolve from mutual caring and an equal amount of fair exchange to a one-sided relationship. I’m specifically talking about when one must take care of a loved one who has fallen ill. This is truly tough, but still must be done. In this case, professional help may be required as well. The old adage “it takes a village” would be ideal in distributing the responsibility of this person’s well-being. Sadly, in our modern times, we have fallen short in some ways with our “village”, but new doors have opened. Access to groups who share these struggles has become more available locally and virtually if needed. We can connect people from the rarest of situations across the world for support.
Relationships in the blue zone
According to Buettner’s book “The Blue Zones”, there are nine lessons to living a long healthy life. Five of the nine principles are related to relationships, purpose and stress reduction. Relationships in your life will all have stress and should be mostly connected to your purpose. All relationships need boundaries and balance. Here are some generalizations on relationships.
5 truths about relationships
1. Relationships in your life should build you up, support you and want the best for you. A relationship that lacks genuine support is not a healthy friendship. It may be an enemy or Frenemy.
2. Relationships should abide by the fair exchange rule. Meaning it must be a two-way street. You have to give and receive, lead and follow at different times in all of your relationships. If there is not a fair exchange of support and mutual admiration, the relationship will fizzle out.
3. Relationships take work. What are your expectations for others and do you meet your own expectations on this two-way street? Are you all want with no give?
4. Relationships built on healthy agreements will have a better chance of lasting long term and avoiding a build up of resentment. Understanding who you are is imperative to building a healthy relationship. – Read my post on Self Awareness.
5. Negative relationships, whether family or friends, should be eliminated or reduced by almost any means necessary. Remember that your stress response doesn’t discriminate with its perceived threat. Read – 3 Ways your Chronic Stress is Killing You!
Bonus Tip – Surround yourself with people you want to emulate. Be purposeful with your connections, but not misguided by ulterior motives.
13 Common Relationships
Here are some of the most important relationships you can focus on to create balance in your life. All relationships you connect your self with will come with choices. You alone get to choose how you interact with them. I’ve linked to some websites and apps I use every day to try and create balance in my environment.
Spiritual – Your relationship with your spirit, your innate intelligence, your inner voice is directly connected to your relationship with God, universal intelligence and the world. Whether spiritual or religious the relationship you carry with our higher power is humbling. A relationship with God can give you purpose and relieve stress. For a psychological look at God and all things religion, I highly suggest you visit Jordan Peterson’s website. In my opinion he is rekindling our understanding of responsibility, religion and purpose.
Family – Crucial for happiness and well-being but, can also often be some of the most toxic relationships. Take care in setting your boundaries and try hard to keep these connections. Blood is thicker than water. Family relationships can give you purpose.
Friendships – “You cannot always change the people around you. But you can change the people that you choose to be around.” So take care in the people you surround yourself with for you will become indifferent to them. Read the book “The Blue Zones” for a deeper look at family and friends social environments.
Spouse – The choice of a lifetime. The saying you can’t always choose your family, but you can choose your friends rings most true with your spouse. No other person in your life can take the highest honor of being picked as your family, soulmate, best friend and partner for life. Choose wisely and work hard.
Baby Mama or Baby Daddy– I thought this was needed in these modern times. If you care about the child, then care about the other parent. Work together, you have something bigger than yourselves at stake.
Kids – Boundaries and Guidance. This is your future. The expectations you have for your kids should be much greater than your expectations for society. This relationship needs to be one of guidance and boundaries. It is your job to create and mold these little humans into big humans you would like to be around.
Community – We need community and communal relationships for purpose and in some ways identity. In the book “The Blue Zones”, church was a form of community in Loma Linda, California that made a big difference in peoples health. Beware the self-centered, self-help guru. Super-egos kill community. Cutting off all contact from your life is not healthy and maybe even a sign of worse psychological behaviors.
Work – These are forced friendships. Often people spend more time at work than they do with their own families and friends. At worst, they are toxic hierarchy’s filled with manipulation, power struggles and egos. At best, fate will connect you with amazing people in your life.
Career – Most will spend their lifetime dedicated to some sort of work and/or purpose. No matter your title, Doctor, Esquire, DJ name or homemaker, your position is important. Have passion and strive to be the best you can. This is your life’s work, your purpose often. Choose wisely and not for money. Find your Why with Simon Sinek.
Social media – These relationships, while being in the cloud, have a major effect on your real life. Good or bad will be up to how you use it. Are you using it or is it using you? These relationships can be healthy or toxic. I highly suggest reading the previous post on removing these distractions. Turn Off, Tune In, Drop Apps.
Time and energy – Busy is an understatement. Learning how to say no to some people is invaluable. Protect your time and energy at all costs. Not everyone will reciprocate a fair amount of time and energy within your relationships. Avoid Energy Vampires!
Food – Comfort food is a well-named vice. This relationship is known for being emotionally driven. The best advice I have is to Eat Real Food!
Money – People’s relationship with their money is generally ambiguous and often emotionally driven. Money is a tool used to help you live a happier and healthier lifestyle. Spend money on things valuable to your Innate Essentials first. Your quest for happiness now and in the future. Track your spending, work on savings and create a budget. Live within your means and save so that your money will begin to work for you. Mr. Money Mustache is by far my favorite blog for understanding life, money and the value between the two. Watch the new movie “Playing With Fire.”
The most important idea here is to realize that all relationships have stress all take work to make them positive. The goal is to reduce your negative stress and increase your happiness. The relationship routine is to work hard at maintaining these relationships in a healthy manner.
One Adjustment action step
1. Evaluate your relationships listed above.
2. Begin reducing or eliminating negative relationships or behaviors from your life.
3. Surround yourself or plan for positive relationships for your future.
4. Address the past traumatic relationships and experiences in order to move forward with your life. These experiences will often need professional help and guidance.
Happy Friday
-Nick the DC
This wraps up our 12 Innate Essentials, stay tuned as we dive into some of the non-essential, but relevant blog posts.
Did we miss anything you find to be essential? I’d love to hear your story, comments or feedback. Thank you for reading.
Feeling Overwhelmed?
Feeling overwhelmed or do you want more? The Innate Essentials are not meant to be fixed rules, but rather guidelines for your life. So, set your goals, make a plan and achieve them. But, remember to stop and smell the roses once in a while. Live a life worth living.
To keep order in your life and avoid straying back into chaos, I like to hit my goals then maintain them by Living that 90/10 Lifestyle. Click the link to read my next blog post.
Disclaimer: The One Adjustment website and blog does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment of any type. One Adjustment uses affiliate links as a means to support the content provided at no extra cost to you. Please see disclaimer link for more details.
