Self-Awareness is such an abstract idea that it’s hard to really grasp the meaning of the word. The idea of practicing self-awareness intends to bring to light observations of oneself through introspection and reflection.
These can be simple observations from; how you breathe, to how you dress, how you look, how you act, how you feel and to how you’re perceived. It can also be more complex things like; your deepest desires, your unfinished goals, your real motives, and weird enough, who you’re talking to when you’re talking to yourself. That surely is a conundrum worth trying to understand better.
My intention here is to create a roadmap for your self-awareness related to any characteristic about yourself currently and in the future. It can be used for any of these simple or complex observations you may need to unearth about yourself. I see it as a useful tool for self-improvement. It is the act of paying attention.
Part 1 – You are Here!
Part 2 – Where To First?
Part 3 – But Why?
Part 4 – Ready or Not!
Part 5 – Are We There Yet?
WHERE TO FIRST?
Pay attention to your goals, wishes, and dreams.
Self-Awareness is often thought of as a static, present moment awareness. I think of it as much more of a dynamic state of consciousness. Self-awareness can be done anywhere at any time but it is best when done regularly with some degree of intention. Self-awareness can be both you up to the present moment, and you in the future. Whatever state you choose to look at, acknowledging the why that drives them is important. A why that has led you to your present self and a why that guides you through to the future you.
If I was looking at a road map, self-awareness would be the starting point (You are Here), the pathway that brought you to that starting point, and the desired endpoint. The future pathway in between will be somewhat vague but ultimately the most significant component to the end goal of your lived experience.
Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.
– John Lennon
True, you can’t be in two locations at one time, but your mind can be. This is one of the most important distinctions that humans possess over all other animals. Consciousness has the ability to make models of our future so you can run simulations.
Now, to clearly understand where you are (Self-Awareness Part 1), you need to remove distractions that cloud your Reality. You’ll see as well that you will need to accept Responsibility for what brought you to this position and then Resolve where to go from there.
You are not your past, but you do have to know it, accept responsibility for it, and prepare to make a difference in the future so that history does not have to repeat itself.
There are many forms of self that you possess. You may be a mother, a wife, a teacher, a teammate, a yoga enthusiast, and a caretaker. All of which create who you are. They are all their own entities that make up the composition of who you are as a whole person. These archetypal characters we carry have a role to fulfill and no matter what path you choose to take in these roles they always demand your attention as they are ever-changing.
“When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.” – John Lennon
Self-Awareness Roadmap
In our last blog post, we outlined the Self-Awareness Roadmap. Before you can choose a destination or a strong goal, you have to know where you are. If you are lost here, go back and read our first blog post on Self-Awareness. Assuming you know where you are, let’s set up some parameters for your next big destination or goal.
Here is the outline of the Self-Awareness Roadmap for reference.
First, Who or where are you? (You are Here)
- Clarify your position in Reality,
- Accept Responsibility for that position.
- Resolve to improve your position in life.
- Where do you want to go?
Second, Where would you like to go, who would you like to be? (Where to First)
- Ultimate Destinations
- Pay Attention to your biggest goals, dreams and wishes.
- Pay Attention to your current reality.
- Choosing a Destination.
- Can you get there in one step or is this going to be a multi-step process?
- Ultimate Destinations
Third, Why do you want to go? (But Why)
- Exploring your why
- Understanding your primary why?
- Making decisions with your why in mind.
- Is your Why congruent with your Who, What, Where and How?
- Exploring your why
Fourth, How are you going to get there? (Ready or Not)
- What’s your travel potential?
- What luggage must go with you?
- What do you need to prepare for your trip?
- What obstacle must you account for?
- What does the environment look like?
- What checkpoints will signal that you’re on the right track?
- What’s your travel potential?
Fifth, what’s next? (Are we there yet).
- Level up your Self-Awareness with reflection.
- Build on top of your current successes.
- Practicing Self-Awareness never ends.
Why makes your Who
Before we dive into the setting of new goals or big destinations, I want to make special mention of your why. Your why in my opinion is more important than your what or where.
In terms of careers and life purpose, what are you doing and Why?
Maybe you want to be a doctor or a lawyer? Why? For the money, the prestige, or to help people?
If you were a patient, what would you want your doctor’s “why” to be?
Or, if you were a client, what would you want your lawyer’s why to be?
One of my mentors used to say:
“People don’t care how much you know, they want to know how much you care.” -Chuck Gibson
Ok, so you get the point. Where or who is important, but your why is central to the who or where that is your ultimate destination in life.
Ultimate Destinations
Pay attention to your dreams
Ideally, with our life’s goals, we would all begin with the end in mind, just like when we are on a road trip. In life we must pick a destination otherwise we are just wandering or lost, lacking purpose, and wasting time. Ideally, choosing an ultimate destination in life would be clear, concise, and perfect so that there is no wasted time, energy, or effort. Without a crystal ball, this would be hard to do over a lifetime.
Technically most of us have an ultimate destination for our life already in mind from the time we are very young but in a rather abstract way. Most of us don’t know concretely what we want to be when we grow up, but we do know who we want to be. Abstract ideas like good, rich, powerful, loved, respected, strong, and kind are a few things that come to mind.
These abstract ideas can be broken down and they usually are the base of your “why.” It’s not always clear why someone will latch onto and prioritize one idea over the other.
A rhetorical question asked to me and many of my colleagues was, “Why do you want to be a Chiropractor?” The common answer was always, “I want to be a Chiropractor to help people.”
Why? Simply because helping people makes me a good human being. For many of us, being a good human is a driving motivation and the work you choose to do can reflect that.
For me, that is ultimately who I want to be in life. Why? Because good is the opposite of evil. Because good is right and evil is wrong. Right?
The destinations on your life map are a compilation of your choices often driven by unconscious motives. Just like a road trip, your destination can be influenced by a number of factors, from necessity to novelty, fear, or just plain curiosity. The bottom line is you will need Pay Attention.
- Pay Attention to where you are.
- Pay Attention to where you’re headed.
- Pay Attention to where you want to go.
- Pay Attention to why you want to go.
- Pay attention to your plan.
- Pay attention to your checkpoints, so that you may stay the course.
- Pay Attention to detours and alternate routes.
- Pay attention to what is calling your name and piques your curiosity.
- Conforming to the masses is a failure to pay attention to your true self.
Pay attention to your dreams and pursue them. Paying attention to what calls your name and paying attention to the choices you make, may just end up bringing meaning to your life and even change the world. Paying attention is akin to being prepared for what is coming next. Paying attention affords you the opportunities that others miss when they are distracted. The time of your life is always and forever changing and it will need your attention if you are going to make the most of it.
“So you, too, must keep watch!
For you don’t know what day your Lord is coming.”
– Matthew 24:42-44
Pay attention to your daily life too...
Maybe you are exactly where you’re supposed to be. Maybe you have left no room for improvement, however unlikely that is. Nevertheless, becoming self-aware of something that doesn’t need change does happen. Be aware of that. Even if it doesn’t need a master plan for change, it doesn’t hurt to Pay Attention to all things that you are experiencing or affecting with your presence.
Pay Attention to your dreams, but not at the cost of your reality. Change really is the only constant in the world. Some of this is just because of entropy and some of this is the result of ambition. No matter what destination you are at, it seems there is always more to do. As they say, “if you’re not growing, you’re dying.” To stop paying attention and let your guard down could be detrimental to your life’s position.
No matter your current success, there is another destination yearning for your attention. This is in part, why we are neophiles. You finished high school, go to college. You finished college, get a job. You have a job, does it match your career? Get into the right job to advance your career. Buy things, marry, have kids, see the world… Mind you, all of these choices made are driven by abstract motives, some of which are listed above. What is driving you? What is your why?
Choosing an Ultimate Destination for now
Remember, the question above? Why do you want to be a doctor? To help people of course.
There are plenty of ways to help people that don’t involve being a doctor. Which path is right for you, is up to you and your motivations. You can begin your journey while also working to meet your ultimate destination. Attend college to become a doctor and volunteer with your local hospice center.
Interestingly enough, often you will see politicians or other leaders in the world who preach one thing and act out the opposite. This is clearly evident with our current lockdowns, mask rules, and stay at home orders during the COVID-19 chaos. If their motivation was pure and just, they would follow their own advice. This is why politicians are generally less trusted than lawyers.
Pay Attention to these big motives and which is most in control of you.
Rich?, Approval?, Good?, Power?, Greed?, Strength?, Love and Respect?
Self-Awareness isn’t just knowing you want to be a doctor, it’s also knowing WHY you want to be a doctor. Pay Attention to your why because individually we collectively shape this world.
For now, pick a destination that works within your ultimate destination. This is a step in the right direction and sure beats having no direction at all or every direction possible.
So, where do you want to go that is congruent with your why?
Assuming you know your why and your goal in mind, you will need to prepare a plan and possibly checkpoints along the way.
One step or multi-steps?
Ok, so goals and motives go hand in hand. Often our goals can be accomplished in one or just a few steps. However, achieving the motivating goal behind the initial goal is much more complicated. Let’s categorize these as simple goals and complex goals.
Simple goals are clear, defined goals with an easily attainable end to their means.
For example, If I took the simple goal of making a sandwich for lunch, the destination can be met in one step fairly quickly. The motivating factor behind this goal is hunger. The end goal is simple and the motivation behind the goal can be met easily. At least in today’s world. This may have been different when Maslow created his Hierarchy of Needs.
Complex goals in this same category would be to be well-fed. To be fully nourished and healthy. This goal is much less clearly defined and will ultimately need many steps and a lifetime to accomplish.
Simple goals or short term goals usually have a range of 30 days by most standards. They can be attained with clearly defined and measurable outcomes. These are easy, yet equally important to your ultimate destinations in life.
Complex goals are harder to measure but it can be done with checkpoints along the way. These checkpoints are really just short term goals that are congruent and/or required of your bigger goals and ultimate destinations. There are generally multiple steps in the process of conquering a complex goal. Knowing how long, how much effort, or how much it will cost you to obtain these complex or simple goals will be discussed in part 4 of the Self-Awareness Roadmap. Only you can set up these parameters for your life.
Self-Awareness is paying attention to where you are (You are Here)
Self-Awareness is paying attention to where you want to go (Where to?)
Self-Awareness is paying attention to your Why and your everyday actions.
Self-Awareness is paying attention to How you’re going to make it all happen.
One Adjustment Action Step
- Know where “You Are Here” is exactly. Review the blog post on Removing Distractions, Taking Responsibility and Resolving to see it through. Not just a fad but a lifestyle of change and infinite potential.
- Where do you want to go or who do you want to be in life? Start with the end in mind. In the blog post Write Your Reality I have some tools to help you tease this out. It doesn’t need to be a final draft, just a rough draft for your life’s destinations. Take the OATH and commit to improving your life.
- Your Why is crucial to your life. Understand it better than anyone. There are many great books on finding your why by authors such as Simon Sinek and Seth Godin to name a few.
- How has an infinite amount of possibilities. No two are the same. I’ve written a few blog posts explaining how Routines build Dreams, how having a Grit Mindset pushes you through barriers and how to build immunity to weakness.
- Practice Paying Attention to everything in your life. Pay Attention in a prioritized manner from the top down.
- Journal daily. It doesn’t need to be extensive or formal. Just write down your thoughts daily before they’re gone. Document it or it didn’t happen!
Who are you today? What brought you to this point? Motivations conscious and unconscious are often hidden truths within our mind.
Know who you are, not just where you want to go.
Nick the DC
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