What’s your story?
If you paused your life today to write your autobiography, what would your story say about the person you were? Would your story be filled with laughter, love, success, friendship, focus, goals, and virtue or would it be filled with sadness, hate, failure, loneliness, procrastination, aimlessness, and iniquity?
Your story is not over and you will write it until the day you die. So who are you in your story? Are you the main character in your own story? The hero, the villain or the innocent victim? Wouldn’t you like to be the hero in your own story? Wouldn’t we all like to be the righteous one? When you play a game, video or otherwise, are you playing to win? The archetypal hero has been the cornerstone of stories long before the internet. Think of the last time you watched that action-packed superhero movie, did you resonate with the superhero or the villain? Like me, there may be times when you resonate with both. But, based upon our blockbuster games and movies, it seems we all want to be some sort of hero in the end. Good prevails in almost every archetypal story since the dawn of time. A plot twist can happen at any moment. No matter the plot, you can always change your circumstances by making just One Adjustment at a time.
How have you set the scene?
Your scene is the reality you are in at the moment. Reality in relation to your story, is you, your backstory, the objects in your life, the pathways you have taken, the characters you interact with and the relationships you endure. Reality simply is whatever you chose it to be or whatever you choose it to be. It really is that simple. In the book, The Secret, Author Rhonda Byrne relates that your reality is based upon your thoughts due to the law of attraction. Most find these ideas a little too strange or metaphysical. For many, the idea that if I think of myself as a millionaire, that I will become a millionaire seems a little ridiculous on the surface. I tend to feel this way too, but I can see that there is much truth in the idea. As a matter of fact, we have heard and accepted this idea from many others, but it hasn’t been so bluntly stated as it is with the law of attraction.
George Lucas wrote, “Your focus determines your reality”
Ed Mylett relates that “Your obsessions become your possessions”
and Zig Ziglar believed “Your attitude determines your altitude”
My point is that your reality is your responsibility. You may have had outside influences, but your life is truly just a series of choices that you have made to set the scene of your story. In my office, people often come in seeking relief from their symptoms and my goal is for them to understand the cause and take control of their health. Understanding your current reality is the only way you can begin to take responsibility for your life. So pause for a moment. What does your scene look like? Who is in it? Are they building your character? Where is the story headed? What can we do about it? Now that you can see your reality, how can we keep you in it? Removing unnecessary distractions and characters is the first step in rewriting your story.
It is not our abilities that show what we truly are… it is our choices. – Dumbledore, from Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Remove characters and distractions that do nothing to advance your plot.
To focus on reality, one must first remove distractions. In a previous blog, I talked in-depth about the Default Mode Network (AKA Autopilot) in the brain and how when accessed you can reflect on the past and plan for the future. I also related that your brain has a Task-Positive Network where your focus is in hyperdrive toward a specific task at hand. Your brain cannot be in both network states at the same time. Creating a time and place to let your brain get into the DMN so you can analyze your reality, take responsibility and create the steps necessary for resolution is needed for progress. Facing your current reality is where the almighty pursuit of happiness begins.
Procrastination with TPN tasks like social media, video games, and Netflix may actually be necessary to shut off the stress of life temporarily, but it should be just that. A temporary reprieve from your story of human potential. A small insignificant side story that doesn’t affect the primary plot of your main story. I dig into this reward type system in the 90/10 rule. These small rewards at roughly 10% of the time do not take away from the main point of your story. More than that and you start to lose focus and direction for your life story.
Removing distractions that do nothing to build your character or story is necessary to make a clear concise plot. Distractions range from newer technology such as TV, Internet, Social media and smartphones to the most ancient addictions of food, alcohol, gambling, sex, and drugs. Some are more dangerous than others, but all of them when mismanaged lead to ruining your amazing story. I am of the opinion that if you are going to have any of these distractions in your life, they should be used responsibly.
So.. what the hell does that look like? Schedules and limitations on fun? Here’s the deal. Life’s freaking hard and intense. If you want to be the superhero of your life, you must stay focused. Be the good, stand up straight, hydrate daily, set goals, exercise, get adjusted, eat real food, be self-aware, sleep 7-9 hours, reduce stress, have a positive mindset, brush your teeth, avoid toxins and create healthy relationships. Do this and do this well and when you do it, celebrate it! Celebrate by writing your side story. Have a beer, Netflix and chill, zone out on your phone, take a vacation, enjoy your life. Then get back up the next day and get back to your main story. A healthy sleep/eat cycle is the start of a great schedule.
The way I choose to use these detours of procrastination is as rewards and/or schedule them with limits. Literally, I schedule on Google calendar most of my obligations. Once completed, then I may have a beer on a Friday or Saturday night, but generally not mid-week. It’s too distracting otherwise. I may choose to watch a movie on the weekend only after I have finished my most pressing tasks. The saying goes, work hard, play hard. It’s not the reverse. The extremes of either will lead to burnout and add up to nothing.
In life, it is the little things that add up to define who you are as a character and what your story is. As I have related to many times in this blog, your life and health depend on multiple small adjustments made one at a time. This can be either negative or positive. Death of a thousand cuts is a common figure of speech that relates that failure occurs due to many small menial problems. This is also true for success. In previous blogs, I have related your health is similar to your wealth in investments or debt. Small investments or debts can add up over time and both can create a tidal wave of results due to compound interest. Ignoring your problem won’t make it go away, but often will result in compound interest growth of the problem. So how will you invest? With integrity or iniquity? Will the characters in your story be riddled with distractions or focused on their strengths and purpose?
What are your main character strengths and weaknesses?
Strengths vs. Weaknesses or Good vs. Evil. It is in us all. The conflict of good and evil is written about countless times in literature and is universal to all characters and humans alike. We all have strengths and weaknesses, integrity or iniquity. The capacity for malevolence or benevolence is human, but what separates the good from the bad are the choices made. The pathways taken or the focus of your life.
If you look at some of the more recent and popular literary characters you will see my point. Comics and movies depicting characters like Batman and the Joker. The two have many similarities, but one is celebrated as a hero and the other a villain. Batman’s early life tragedy (backstory – losing his parents at the hands of criminals) has created a deep vengeance against crime and disorder. The Joker’s similar tragedies of losing his wife and unborn baby followed by being thrown in a vat of acid have also created his vengeance. The Joker chooses to seek vengeance on the innocent and orderly (society) to justify the tragedies bestowed upon him by being. Both tragedies inflicted on these men were similar, but their focus and pathways in life are much different. Batman chooses to create order from chaos and the Joker chooses to create chaos from order. This can be true for many of the great stories in literature as early as Cain and Abel.
So what are your strengths and weaknesses? What is your capacity for Good and Evil? Do you tend to be very conscientious, but low in openness? High in openness and high in neuroticism? Do you procrastinate at every chance you get? Entertain yourself with alcohol? Suppress your symptoms with drugs and medications? Obsess over simple pleasures from food or sex? Are you angry and bitter at life’s suffering? Are your views rigid with pride? Jealous or envious? These “weaknesses make up the Seven Deadly Sins or Capital Vices. On the other hand, the Seven Virtues are thought of mostly as strengths. Prudence, justice, temperance, courage, faith, hope, and charity. Your strength may be someone else’s weakness and vice versa. Neither are bad nor good on their own. Your use of them in the story of your life is what can make them good or evil. The way you choose to use these character traits over time is what creates the narrative of your story.
What I mean is that living your best life or writing your best story does not need to be rigid, perfect or so-called righteous. It is often that even the hero of a story will break the rules in order to bring about change and good. Batman uses force, aggression, anger and often pride to gain justice, hope, and charity. This reality is much deeper than just comic book stories. This is human and we are all subject to the reality of evil, tragedies and the like. We are all also able to choose what we do with that. Do we denounce living, humankind, God himself or have faith, hope, and trust that good will prevail? Many Christians know that Jesus Christ himself angrily flipped over tables in the synagogue and cast out the moneychangers. He questioned God about the suffering he had to endure before salvation.
So what are your strengths and weaknesses and how are you using them to bring meaning and purpose to your life? Evil may propagate evil or may be used as a tool to create good. Each individual is responsible for the good in the world by starting with the good in their world. A strong trait or characteristic of one person will be a weakness of another.
(In Big Hero 6, The main character Hiro loses his brother (Tadashi) to evil (arson) and thus wants banish the evil (arsonist). The Villian Dad (Robert Callaghan) loses his daughter and seeks vengeance on the world and his own being.)
Which path do you choose?
In the ’90s movie Groundhog Day, the story captures the very essence of picking your path for your life. Bill Murray’s character starts out, cynical, bitter, brash, angry, egotistic and willfully blind to his life’s choices. As he relives each day he eventually sees the potential in himself and his peers. He chooses the right path and takes responsibility for the meaning of his life. Every day is truly a groundhog day. You are the creator of your reality, the scene setter, the author of your story.
The choice is yours.
There are many other movie plots that are based on the same idea of reliving your life until you get it right. Such as Doctor Strange, Mickey’s Once Upon a Christmas, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban or similar stories like A Christmas Carol or Scrooge.
How could you re-write your story? Are you the victim or the victor?
Writing exercise
This is meant to be quick, unedited and imperfect. It’s a start.
Write out 10 facts of your current reality. (good and bad) (ex. kids, home, job, relationships, finances, etc.)
Write out 10 wishes for your future reality. (same as above)
Write out 5 strengths you have. (hard worker, punctual, trustworthy, etc.)
Write out 5 weaknesses you have. (lazy, greedy, addictions, etc.)
Write out the distractions that keep you from living your best life story.
Write out what your future life will be like with nothing but weaknesses and distractions in 5 years.
Write out what it will be like with all the distractions removed and the strengths embraced in 5 years.
Can’t do 5 years? Try 1 year. Try 5 months, try 5 weeks, 5 days or even just the next 5 minutes. Do something to positively pursue progress in your life. One Adjustment at a time.
Write out 5 things you would be willing to change today for bettering your life. Start small and build. Clean your dishes, call your mom, trim your nails, get out of bed, organize your medicine cabinet, put together some sort of primitive daily schedule. I’ve given you 12 Innate Essentials to start with. Just do One thing for today!
Want to be more detailed about your strengths and weaknesses? Take the Personality Assessment test by Jordan Peterson.
Want a detailed story about how to navigate your life past, present and future? See the Self Authoring website for more details
One Adjustment Action Step
- Perform the writing exercise above quickly and without much restraint.
- Read Turn Off, Tune In and Drop Apps. Read about 5 Action Steps to Self-Awareness.
- Make yourself a basic schedule. Get up at the same time. Plan your meals. Go to bed at the same time. It’s the start of a good routine, One Adjustment at a time.
- Schedule time for reflection (DMN), celebration, and future planning. I schedule my DMN when I work out. Socially celebrate the accomplishments.
- Limit your distractions.
- Dig deeper by using the websites listed above. These were created by Jordan Peterson and his team.
All things that make up your reality may not be your fault. But, All things in your reality are your responsibility. No one else is going to put order in your reality for you. The next blog will focus on Responsibility and ownership.
–Nick the DC
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